The Lodestar of Life

"Love is like the Polar Star. In a changing world, it is a constant. It is something that, when sincere, never moves. It is the very essence of the teachings of Christ. It is the security of the home. It is the safeguard of community life. It is a beacon of hope in a world of distress."

-Gordon B. Hinckley, Standing for Something

LOM

Definition, LOM:
Acronym: Lack of Motivation;

A common occurence in college students, internet junkies, scooter riders, wackee sixers, followers of Dwight Schroute, and MAC geeks.

This week has been good so far. I have enjoyed the weather thoroughly and love driving on the freeway and seeing the mountains splashed with red. This is definitely my favorite time of year. Halloween has always been my favortie holiday, but I am sad for this one. For the first time in 9 years, I have nothing to do Halloween night. I guess I could dress up scary and scare the trick or treaters here at home, but not many kids come to our house anymore. What a pathetic halloween this will be. =[

On a happier note... Thanksgiving is in less than a month and I just love that holiday as well. I am not looking forward to winter though, I am definitely a summer girl. I guess there are fun things about winter.... Christmas lights, cute jackets, christmas music, fires, mistle toe =], sliegh rides, sledding, snow men, snow angels, and of coure Christmas and New Years! Although most of those activities are only fun with a member of the opposite sex... so I am currently accepting applications to be my winter time partner. Resumes can be sent to:

meggydear@gmail.com

Is Sophie a dog or a cat? I thought when I got her, that the lady told me she was a puppy... but as I sit here listening to her Meow, I am beginning to think that she is a feline instead of a canine. I guess maybe I could make a website and make lots of money advertising my cat-dog...

Besides my empty Halloween this should be a good week. I am loving fall, and loving the colors, and can't wait for a good turkey dinner. =] CIAO!!!

The Consequence of Sound

My rhyme ain't good just yet,

My brain and tongue just met,

And they ain't friends,

so far,

My words don't travel far,

They tangle in my hair,

And tend to go nowhere,

They grow right back inside,

Right past my brain and eyes

Into my stomach juice

Where they don't serve much use,

No healthy calories,

Nutrition values.

And I absorb back in

The words right through my skin

They sit there festering inside my bowels

The consonants and vowels

The consequence of sounds.

Got a soundtrack in my mind,

All the time.

Kids-Screamin' from too much beat up

And they don't even rhyme,

They just stand there, on a street corner,

Skin tucked in

And meat side out and shot,

And I'd like to turn them down

But there ain't no knob.

Run into picket fences

Not into picket lines.

All this hippie stuff is for the 60's

Just a cliche for our time.

But a one of these days your heart

Will just stop ticking,

And they sorta just don't find you till your cubicle is reeking.

Did you know that the gravedigger's still

Gettin' stuck in the machine

Even tough it's a whole other daydream.

It's another town it's another world,

Where the kids are asleep,

where the loans are paid

And the lawns are mowed.

Whad'ya think?

All the gravediggers were gone?

Just cause one song is done

There's always another one,

Waiting right around the bend,

Till this one ends,

Then it begins

Squeaky clean, then it starts all over again.

The weather report keeps on

Tossing and turning,

Predicting and warning,

And warning and warning of,

Possible leakage from news publications and,

Possible leakage from news TV stations.

That very same morning right next to my coffee

I noticed some bleeding and heard hollow coughing and

National Geographic was being too graphic,

When all I had wanted to know was the traffic

"The worlds got a nosebleed"

it said

"And we're flooding but we keep on cutting

The trees and the forests!"

And we keep on paying those freaks on the TV,

Who claim they will save us but want to enslave us.

And sweating like demons they scream through our speakers

But we leave the sound on 'cause silence is harder.

And no one's the killer and no one's the martyr

The world that has made us can no longer contain us

And profits are empty then rotting away 'cause

The consonants and vowels

The consequence of sounds.

In-er-sun

I don't know why I have been blogging so much. I guess I just feel like writing all the time, I don't know.

Church was good today. It was the primary program today, and Kenlie did such a good job. She is so cute, and I love her so much. My mom gave the lesson today in YW, and she also did such a good job. I think her lesson was so important especially to the young women today. She talked about the story of the ugly duckling, and pointed out that he was not the outcast because he was necessarily ugly, but because he was different. Because his feathers were gray instead of yellow, and his neck was a bit longer than the other ducklings. After time had passed he began to grow and develope into a beautiful swan, and was no longer thought of as the "ugly duckling."

Society puts so much pressure on girls these days to be more thin and pretty. Every where you go, there is someone or something telling or showing you how you need to look dress and act. It leaves no room for difference, or accepting of something that is a change from what they think perfect is. It is sad how vain our world has become.

My mom talked about loving yourself. And having self confidence in your own skills, abilities, talents, and personal appearance. She talked about how you can't serve and love other people until you know how to love yourself. I think that concept can also be turned around. People can't fully love, respect and appreciate you, unless you can love and appreciate yourself. Even though my moms class was extremely uncooperative, and unresponsive, I think she did a very good job teaching the lesson. It was an important one for girls of that age to hear. If I could give my little sisters one piece of advice as they grow up, it would be to love themselves for who they know they are and who they want to be, and to never lower or change their standards to please anyone else.

I have the 2 most amazing little sisters on this earth. Rylie is so sensitive to other people's feelings and so fun to be around. She has such a bright personality and she can make you laugh at anytime. I think Rylie has more self confidence than most 14 year old girls I have ever met. She is who she is, and doesn't care much about what other people think about her. She is so willing to help around the house with chores and extra things, and is such a close friend to me, that I feel like I can confide anything in her.

Kenlie is my ray of sunshine. She is one of the biggest examples to me in my life. She is always so positive. I can't express to you what a positive influence she is to me in my life. She cares so much about everyone around her and would do anything to help anyone out. She has so much love inside her and not enough time to give it all out. She is the most unselfish little girl I have ever met with such a strong testimony. I have never met a little girl who is more willing to give and help with such a positive attitude. I think most people in my life could take a lesson from Kenlie on how to love your friends and family. She is such a good example to everyone around her and I love her so much.

I hope that my two little sisters can always remember who they are. It is so hard to grow up and it gets harder everyday.

Amanda leaves tomorrow to go back to Oregon. I am so sad! She is my best friend. She is like my crutch. I feel like me and amanda go through the same things in life at the same time. I am so sad that she is leaving, I feel like my rock is being taken away from me. She is also such a positive influence on me. But she will be back. =]

Last night, Justin came over and I just have to share this picture. Justin thinks a mustache is the in style facial hair trend right now.... (no one dares tell him that it's not.) He just hasn't got it long enough yet to where is significantly pops out and catches your eye. So.... we painted over it with mascara. You would have though it was Christmas morning for the kid. Talk about love for yourself, I don't think he has been that happy with his appearance ever. Ha! Funny boy. So here is the picture of me and Justin, his pervert mustache, and our love child Sophie. (yes, justin loves Soph almost as much as I do.)

.....

Paint me a picture

or sing me a song.

Splash all the colors,

hold all the notes long.

Freshen my memory,

clear all the clouds.

Bring them by one,

or bring them in crowds.

Paint my mental landscape,

sing my intellectual song,

filter them out

from the right and the wrong.

Bring back the days

when the sunset reached far,

and let's watch the sun

fade into the stars.

Reach out your hand,

grabonto it tight,

hold it in your hands

and share all its light.

Live life in the present,

leave worries in the past.

The last stress you took on

was surely your last.

Hold onto the moments

you know will mean most,

and gather the new ones

as through this rough world we coast.

Remember the people

who mean most to you.

Memorize their ways,

for they will surely grow few.

Trace all the steps

to your favorite place to be,

and smile when you get there,

because it matters to me.

Never take for granted

the time you spend with friends,

for those moments will be memories

as we come to an end.

Teach something you've learned

to a stranger or friend,

education is contagious

a silent message we send.

Never underestimate the enemies you keep,

no enemies at all and a balanced life you'll reap.

Listen to the music

and hear all the notes,

hear the sounds and lyrics all seem to float.

Never give up when you seem too far in,

keep pulling for the surface and victory you shall win.

Look every stranger you pass in the face,

for you never know which stranger will be your saving grace.

For me.

I am for me. I wake up for me. I live for me. I sleep for me. I dream for me. I eat for me. I talk for me. I think for me. I play for me. I have fun for me. I cry for me. I laugh for me. I interact for me. I react for me. I run for me. I lay for me. I dance for me. I sing for me. I listen for me. I scream for me. I get angry for me. I am happy for me.

When i wake up in the morning, I don't think 'who I am going to live each day for?' I already know. I can do anything by myself. Why was I ever so silly to think that I needed someone else's motivation. There are only two relationships in my life that I care about right now. (not including sophie's.) And my relationship with myself can not be interupted by anyone but my spiritual relationship.

I can be happy everyday without depending on anyone to do it for me.

So take that.

Tina Wilkinson

Sorry Tina for not mentioning you in my grateful list. Ha. You know I love you even when you are mean to me and tell me I am a lost cause. Ha. I still love you. I am happy. Still. Loving life.
So here are some words courtesy of Michael Buble.

Birds flying high

You know how I feel

Sun in the sky

You know how I feel

Reeds driftin' on by

You know how I feel

It's a new dawn

It's a new day

It's a new life

For me

And I'm feeling good

Fish in the sea

You know how I feel

River running free

You know how I feel

Blossom in the tree

You know how I feel

It's a new dawn

It's a new day

It's a new life

For me

And I'm feeling good

Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don't you know

Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean

Sleep in peace when the day is done, that's what I mean

And this old world is a new world

And a bold world

For me

Fooor me

Stars when you shine

You know how I feel

Scent of the pine

You know how I feel

Yeah freedom is mine

And I know how I feel

It's a new dawn

It's a new dayIt's a new life

It's a new dawn

It's a new dayIt's a new life

It's a new dawn

It's a new day

It's a new life

It's a new life

For me

And I'm feeling good.

AND I'M FEELING GOOD.

Ode to Happiness

Some say they think it's right for people to be happy. That in fact they should be happy. Well, some do find a reason for happiness from the set of possibilities provided by current reality. Others see a potential happinessfrom the set of possibilities that are not yet provided by reality. The first group is lucky, I guess.Such folk say to the second group, "You are unrealistic." And, "You should be happy." The second group helplessly shrugs.They detest the first group. The second group changes the world. Happiness is so much more meaningful when you know what the world is like without it. How can you feel warm when you have never been cold? How can you feel full when you have never felt hunger? So how can you know what it looks like when the sun rises if you have been living in darkness your whole life?



For a long time i think i meandered through mediocracy. I was ok with the glass not being full or empty. In the middle was just ok for me. And just ok was sufficient. I don't know why it changed. I don't know why I feel different. I don't know why I can look at the sun and even though I know it will rise everymorning, i can appreciate it even still. I am grateful to the people in my life who want to make me a better person. I am grateful for the people who want to see me with my glass half full.

I found this website while I was searching for quotes. I thought it was pretty interesting.

http://help.com/post/199270-i-noticed-everyone-belonging-to-th

I thought that was pretty funny. =]

Anyways. For the first time in a long time. I am happy. =] I don't know why, but I don't really care. =]


"The way will be lighter, the worries will be fewer, the confrontations will be less difficult if we cultivate a spirit of happiness."
Gordon B. Hinckley - Oct. Conf 2002

How Grateful I am.

My earlier post about how no one knows me, I think came across wrong. Maybe it was just the downer mood I was in, or something else... I don't know. But I have the most awesome people in my life. I think that sometimes i take for granted how many things in my life are such huge blessings. So thank you, Lynds, and Linds, and Debbie for helping me to remember. So now, I am going to take a minute and list all of the things that I am most grateful for.

Sophie

My dad

My mom

Haden

Rylie

Kenlie

My extended family

My friends

(namely Manda, Kyle, Ash.)

My old friends

(Their mothers =])

A house to live in

Food to eat

A car to drive

My grandparents

Patience and Understanding

Repentance

The lessons I have learned

The places I have been

Candy

Diet Coke

Long length jeans

Flat shoes

Earrings

Fall time

The sun

People who are different than me

Honesty

Integrity

Tough love

Fruit and Veggies

Jason's Deli

The people who make me happy

Movies

Music

(Namely the shins for keeping me from going insane.)

Words

I am a Sailor.

The gutter may profess its love,
Then follow it with hesitation,
But there are just so many of
You out there for rent
A stronger girl would shake this off in flight,
And never give it more than a frowning hour,
But i have let my heart decide,Loss has conquered me,
You've won one too many fights,
Wearing many hats every time,
But you wont win here tonight,
You've made it through the direst of straits alright,
Can you help it if plain love now seems less interesting?
You haven't changed an ounce in my eyes,
And I cannot lecture you,
And does anything I say seem relevant at all?
You've been at the helm since you were just five,
While I cannot claim to be more than a passenger,
But, you've won one too many fights,
Wearing all of your clothes at the same time,
Let the good times end tonight,
Oh girl, sail her, don't sink her,
This time,
Just a moment or two from now,
Not a mind will retain even a trace,
Of the thoughts that I struggled to tell
And how our stack of cards just fell,
So settle this once and for all,
The light no longer shows the cracks around my door,
And I have no lantern to light your way home tonight,
You are not some saint who's above,
Giving someone a stroll through the flowers,
You've got so much more to dream of,
Oh girl, sail her, don't sink her,
This time.

ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGAHHHHHHHHUGGGGGGGGGHMMMMMMMMMPHHHHHHH!

yep. i said it. no one really even reads my blog. so why write? i dont know. i guess it's a vent. i can say what i want, and maybe it is a little more comforting knowing that no one will read it.



i ended things with chris. so now, after its done you can see his face. brace yourself.

yeah there he is. in all of his glory. it didn't work.

this morning after i woke up, i was just sitting there in my bed thinking.... there is not one single person in this whole entire world that knows me. right here on this day of October whatever day it is, not one single person knows megan. my family has no idea what is going on in my life. My friends have no idea what is going on in my life, no one knows me. after i thought about that i cried. for a good 20 minutes. how pathetic is my life that no one consistently cares about what happens everyday of my life. i will go ahead and say that is probably one of the most terribly sad things i have ever had to tell myself. and even now, i can write all of this, but really.....? the only person who might read this, is the mother of someone who used to know me. ha. wow.
anywho. work is good. oh and i have hung out with justin lake twice in the last 3 days. probably the best thing to happen since the last time we hung out 3 1/2 years ago.

i have decided that i hate the internet. i hate how public it makes everyone lives. i hate knowing everything about someone because i can read it on facebook or myspace or on their blog. i hate cell phones too. i wish cell phones and internet were never inventer. eek. what a world.

i guess that is it.

This one's for Deb. Ha, sundevil.

My life, still, is freakin boring. But... like i said, i DO have a boyfriend. His name is Chris, he is an old fart. He was married before and has a 2 year old son named Trae, who i adore. He is sooooo cute. But he treats me really good, i have alot of fun with him. So for now, i am ok. But you all know how i am with guys... so we will see how long it lasts. My friend Bry Bry pulled a shady move, and is now on his way to Louisianna to go to prison. If you have watched the news lately you have probably heard that story about the 3 men arrested for the underage girls, dirty website, and booze RV. Yeah talk about a bad weekend in Mardi Gras. They will never live this down. Anywho. I'm sure you all heard all about it, and it was a huge shock to everyone that knew him. We thought he was such a good guy, and no one had any idea any of this was going on. So, that is weird. And sad. I feel bad for him. MANDA IS OUT OF ALASKA!!!!! WOOHOO!!! i think she may be in utah sometime soon which will be such a happy happy day for me. hmmmm. what else?

I just love fall. It is so fun. And i love halloween it is so fun too. I just am sad that winter comes next. =[ i think that is all. Oh, and i freaking HATE Miley Cyrus. Hannah Montana can rot in hell. Such a dirty skank face.

Fall

Got a boyfriend. Name's Chris. That's all.